What is the definition of insanity?

Albert Einstein once said “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. Well, if that's the case, sign me up! Yes, I am charting again. Danny actually asked me the other day why I was back to taking my temperature every morning. My answer: "because I'm retarded". Even though Dr. T has said that it will probably be almost impossible for me to get pregnant before I have another surgery I'm still holding on to that smallest of small chances that one of these cycles will work. Maybe I'm just in denial that my endo is as bad as Dr. T says. After all, I've been pregnant before so things must have worked once. The thing is though, I don't know how long I've had endo. My gut feeling is that I've had it for awhile and getting pregnant once before was just a miracle. But I'm not giving up so please, feel free to join me as I continue on my road to insanity!

Stupid AF

AF showed up this morning after spending all day yesterday teasing me. I called the RE's office this morning to get everything scheduled (blood work, HSG, ultrasound). The way they do things is you call them and leave a message for a nurse. The nurse gets your chart and calls you back. So now I'm waiting for them to call back. I'm really mad at AF, not for showing up but for waiting so long to show up. A 15 day LP? That's crazy! My LP is usually 13 days at the longest. Plus now I'll have to take Ashton with me when I go in for blood work. He's at grandma's today but he's coming home tomorrow. So now I get to be the jerk that brings a kid to the RE with me. Wonderful.

I tried to do the 30 Day Shred this morning. I say "tried" because I only made it through about 10 minutes before I was so out of breath I thought I was going to die. I guess I'm more out of shape than I thought. I'm going to give it another try tomorrow though. I am not quitting!

Ups and Downs

Yesterday was Super Bowl XLIII and my favorite team, the Pittsburgh Steelers, actually won! This makes the sixth Super Bowl the franchise has won, the most in the NFL. Go Steelers!!

Then I woke up this morning and temped. Major temp drop. AF should be making an appearance today. My chart this cycle looked sooo good (nice, high temps, a long LP) but I did have a lot of spotting. I don't know if it was the Clomid or the cyst but I have never had that much spotting before. So as soon as AF makes her appearance I'll be calling the RE to schedule CD 3 blood work, an HSG and a repeat ultrasound. I really hope they won't have to do too many ultrasounds because insurance doesn't cover them and they're $173 each. I thought the expensive part of having a baby was supposed to happen after the baby was born.

Also with AF's arrival comes the start of 30 Day Shred. My mom brought me some hand weights so I'll be all ready to start tomorrow morning!

Doctor Tuesday #2

This Tuesday was the second Tuesday in a row that I had a doctor appointment. Last week was the RE appointment with Dr. T, this week I got to see my family doctor, Dr. R. When I went in for a regular checkup last month Dr. R noticed a couple of moles on my back that she wanted to remove and send to pathology to have them checked out. Tuesday was my mole removal appointment. She took one off my left shoulder and one off the lower left of my back. I got two stitches on each after she cut them off. Boy did they hurt after the pain meds wore off! I took Tuesday night off work in anticipation of the pain and I'm glad I did. Yesterday wasn't much better, extra strength Tylenol helped some but I was still uncomfortable at work. I did sleep better last night though and they don't seem to hurt as much today. I go back to Dr. R next Tuesday for my well woman exam and to have the stitches removed.

In the land of TTC, it looks like I O'd on Sunday. Our timing was ok this cycle but I'm still not going to get my hopes up. AF is due to arrive on February 1, just in time for the Super Bowl (go Steelers!). If AF arrives on time then I'll be going in to have CD 3 blood work done on Tuesday, Feb. 3. Yes, another Tuesday appointment, the 4th in a row.

Tomorrow Ashton, my mom and I are going to the Choices Fair the local school district has every year. It's a chance for us to check out all of the magnet schools and decide if we'd like to have Ashton go to one of them next year instead of our neighborhood school. I can't believe that it's already time to start thinking about Kindergarten for next year!

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Is anybody out there?

I've had this blog for about 4 months now and I've only had one comment (thanks Malki!). I have to wonder if this is because no one is reading my ramblings. Not that I blame anyone for not finding my blog interesting. I rarely have anything exciting to talk about. It just makes me wonder if I'm blogging to myself. So if you do read, comment please! It will make me feel better just knowing that I'm not going on and on for nothing.

So with that out of the way I guess I can go on to my anxiousness about my upcoming appointment with the OBGYN. I actually had a dream a few nights ago about it. Kind of. In the dream my mom was in the waiting room with me. She kept asking why in the world I was going to the doctor just because I wasn't pregnant. I had my BBT chart printouts with me and she kept asking questions about them too. Then the doctor came out to the waiting room, took a glance at my charts and said I needed to do injectibles. The weirdest thing about this is that it was a male doctor and the OBGYN practice I'm going to is an all female practice. Then the doctor took me back to a room and did some procedure that I guess was injecting the fertility drugs. Ok, I know that isn't how injectibles work but apparently my brain goes weird when I sleep.

I'm guessing the dream is more about my being anxious to get to the doctor and get some answers and being afraid that the doctor will find a problem and we'll have to start fertility treatments. Only 2 days to go!

On to a new cycle

...again. Yes, dear old AF showed up yesterday. Not that I was surprised or all that dissapointed. After 12 previous cycles that ended in a visit from AF I really wasn't expecting cycle 13 to end any differently. Now I can just focus on my appointment on Friday. I'm hoping that the week doesn't drag on too slowly. I'm not sure if going to the doctor will accomplish anything at all but it makes me feel a little better to know that I'm at least being proactive.

Nothing new to report

I haven't posted for awhile because I really don't have anything new to report. I decided to not temp this cycle so I although I'm pretty sure I did ovulate I don't know when and I don't know how many DPO I am. It's actually pretty relaxing not having to stress about my temps.

I haven't been doing so great with WW. I gained a pound this week and wasn't really surprised. What do I expect when I eat a bunch of fast food and partake of too many vending maching goodies? With a family get together coming up on the 4th I'm not expecting much of a loss next week either.

The only thing I have going on right now is prepping for a yard sale. My mom and I got the bright idea to have a sale this Saturday. Luckily most of what we're selling is leftovers from last year's sale so it's already priced. I do need to go through my old clothes and shoes, a few boxes in the closet, and the boy's clothes and toys though.

Maybe it just isn't meant to be

Argh, I just got a call from the drs office. The dr. is going to be out of town on the day my appt. was scheduled so I had to reschedule it. Now I have to wait a week longer, July 18. That means I won't get in to see her before my next cycle starts and I won't be able to do the CD 3 testing right away. So besides the fact that I have to wait a month to see the dr. I now will probably have to wait two cycles to get all of the testing done. :(

"Officially" Infertile

We're officially infertile according to the definition. AF showed up Saturday and we've moved on to cycle 13. Even Danny was bummed about it, especially after I told him that if this had been our month I would have been due on his birthday. He seems to be on board for doing some testing now too. All this time he's been saying "it will happen when it's our time" but I think he's realizing now that "our time" might not be coming. I talked to him yesterday about scheduling an appointment to start testing. I told him our options are to go to an OBGYN to get some of the initial testing done or straight to an RE. We know we don't want to do IVF and I'm afraid that going straight to an RE will mean we'll be pressured to do IVF. I also don't currently have an OBGYN and when I do get pregnant I'll need one.

So after going back and forth with the decision in my head I called the OBGYN this morning. Unfortunately the first appointment she had available that would work for me is on July 11. So I have 25 days to wait. I'll be at the end of this cycle by then though and that means I'll be able to start the testing soon after meeting with the doctor. One of the first infertiliy tests done is the CD 3 test and I should be expecting my CD 3 for cycle 14 to be on July 15. Oddly enough, I'm finding that I'm pretty excited about the upcoming appointment. At this point I just want to get some questions answered and I feel like now I've gotten the ball rolling in the right direction!

I never thought I'd say this...

but I really wish AF would just hurry up and get here. I'm currently 14 dpo and have been getting BFNs for the past two days. I even broke down and used the holy grail, a First Response HPT, and not even a hint of a line. I really just want this cycle to end so I can call the doctor and move on.

BFN

The title says it all. BFN this morning despite a temp rise. And to add to the fun we're having problems with our bank. Yay me.

Another Weigh In, Another 2WW

My weigh in yesterday was ok. I lost the .5 that I gained last week so that puts me at 7 lbs. total lost. This week I'm going to get gack on track and journal. I've been giving up journaling halfway through the weekend for the past two weeks and I'm sure that isn't helping.

I'm also in another 2WW. AF is due to visit me tomorrow but my temps aren't dropping yet. Almost every other cycle my temps go down 1 or 2 days before AF but this cycle mine are still up. I'm wondering if the Ovusoft software set my O date right. My temps the first two days after O were a lot lower than 3dpo on. I just wish either AF would show up or I could work up the courage to test because if this cycle is a bust I want to make an appointment with a new OBGYN for a fertility workup. I'm really trying to not get my hopes up but if I am pregnant my due date would be Danny's birthday. I think that would be on of the best birthday presents he could ask for!

Secondary Infertility article

I found this article in a post from the Second Time Around podcast blog.

Secondary Infertility: A Unique Challenge For Parents

As I'm nearing the dreaded 2WW for the 12th time since we decided to try for #2 I've started reading up more on secondary infertility. I'm afraid we might be headed towards that diagnosis.

2nd Weigh In and an Unwelcome Visitor

I had my second weigh in yesterday. I was nervous because I knew that AF was expected to show up yesterday which means lots of nice bloating. I'd also had some ice cream cake on Mother's Day. Other than that I had stayed within my Points all week though. I was pleasantly surprised when I weighed in and heard "you lost 2.5!" Yay!

Unfortunately my joy was short lived because I knew that AF would be paying me a visit. My temperature had plummeted and by last night I was spotting. I woke up this morning to find that AF had indeed dropped by to visit me again. So we are now entering our 12th cycle TTC.

The Two Week Wait Torture

I saw this on Ovusoft this morning and it really hit home so I thought I'd share it with anyone who happens to stumble across my blog :)

The Two Week Torture is that time between ovulation and AF that you ask yourself:
-Am I pregnant?
-Do I feel pregnant?
-Am I spotting?
-Is that implantation bleeding?
-Should I work out?
-Should I have a drink?

Then you convince yourself...
-My boobs are sore
-I'm bloated
-I'm tired
-I'm nauseous
I MUST BE PREGNANT!

But
-I don't want to get my hopes up
-I don't want to be disappointed
-I don't want to fool myself

Then you say to yourself...
-Stop thinking about it so much
-It'll happen when it is supposed to
-Stop stressing
-Stop obsessing

Then you wonder....
-Am I not getting pregnant because I think about it all the time?
-Is something wrong with me?
-Will I ever get pregnant?
-How long will this take?

It is....THE TWO WEEK TORTURE

Where O where is my eggie?

Here I am on cycle #11, CD 19 and still waiting to O. For those of you who don't know a woman's cycle is supposedly 28 days long with ovulation happening on CD 14. I rarely ovulate on CD 14 but it does usually happen before CD 18. I chart my BBT every morning. The idea with BBT charting is that after ovulation your temperature will go up noticeably. My temp has yet to go up. So I go on waiting......