What is the definition of insanity?

Albert Einstein once said “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. Well, if that's the case, sign me up! Yes, I am charting again. Danny actually asked me the other day why I was back to taking my temperature every morning. My answer: "because I'm retarded". Even though Dr. T has said that it will probably be almost impossible for me to get pregnant before I have another surgery I'm still holding on to that smallest of small chances that one of these cycles will work. Maybe I'm just in denial that my endo is as bad as Dr. T says. After all, I've been pregnant before so things must have worked once. The thing is though, I don't know how long I've had endo. My gut feeling is that I've had it for awhile and getting pregnant once before was just a miracle. But I'm not giving up so please, feel free to join me as I continue on my road to insanity!

Today's RE Appointment

I had my post-op appointment with Dr. T this morning. I went in expecting to hear the worst and it was a good thing I had prepared myself. He said that I have pretty severe endometriosis. My uterus is actually pulled back and fused to my colon. There was endo on my appendix so that is why he removed my appendix. The opening of my left tube is blocked and my tube is very swollen with fluid. Dr T. suspects that I have hematosalpinx, which is blood collected in my tube. During my period some of the menstrual blood actually goes back into my tube and just collects there. The one bit of good news is that my left ovary is fine. There was no cyst on it, my tube is just so swollen that on the ultrasound it was too hard to distinguish between the tube and my ovary. What looked like an ovarian cyst on the ultrasound was actually the end of my tube. Dr T. said that with the severity of my endo it is very unlikely that I'll be able to have a spontaneous conception. My chances of getting pregnant the old fashioned way without more surgery aren't zero but they're pretty slim.

So what are my options now? Basically Dr T. I have two options. The endometriosis isn't a life threatening condition so I can choose to just let it be and if I want to get pregnant then I can try IVF. My other option is having another, more extensive surgery to remove all of the endo, try to unblock my left tube and remove the tube if it can't be unblocked. Dr. T said that my recovery time with the second surgery will be longer than with the first and in 95% of cases he is able to remove all of the endo with the scope so I wouldn't have any larger incisions.

I know that we can't afford IVF. One cycle of IVF costs about $15,000 and our insurance won't cover any of it. I'm not in a hurry to have another surgery with all that we have going on right now. The soccer season won't be over until mid-May and we also have who knows how many court dates and attorney appointments coming up for Jarrod. Dr. T said that I can basically have the surgery anytime so it's up to me to decide when is the best time. I'll take some time to let it all sink in and then discuss it with Danny before deciding but I'm pretty sure another surgery is in my near future.

Finally feeling "normal"

After a week and a half I'm finally feeling better. It's a good thing too because I go back to work today. I think I tried to overdo it this weekend and ended up sleeping almost 12 hours Saturday night. Ashton's soccer coach got deployed and none of the other parents would volunteer to take over so I made the mistake of volunteering. I figured it wouldn't be that hard to stand on the sideline and make substitutions. Boy was I wrong! Coaching 4-6 year-olds is not easy! I had to go out on the field with them and follow them around to help referee. By halfway through the game I had to go sit down and leave it to the other team's coach. After all the rest Saturday night I'm feeling better though. I even managed to do some walking yesterday and today without getting totally exhausted. Now we'll see how the night at work goes.

Lap Update

Just a quick post from me, sitting at the computer is not at all comfortable right now. My lap was on Thursday and I'm still pretty sore. It went ok though. I was very nauseous after the surgery was done and I actually got sick twice so I had to stay at the hospital a little longer than is usual so they could make sure I'd be able to keep liquids and food down. I didn't get to talk to Dr. T after the surgery but he did talk to Danny and my mom. It sounds like I have pretty bad endo, not sure what stage though. I think he did take care of the cyst but Danny and my mom aren't sure if he said he did. I also got my appendix taken out, I'm guessing because it was covered in endo. Dr. T took some pictures and gave me copies, it's really interesting to see my insides! Now the not so great news. My left tube is really inflamed and he also found endo on my colon. Since I didn't do a bowel prep before the surgery I get to have another lap I'm not sure when it will be but he'll take care of the endo on my colon then and also will probably remove my left tube. I have a post-op appointment on the 31st so I'm guessing he'll go over the game plan then. I'm really not sure what to think about losing my tube. I know I've heard success stories from women with only one tube so that gives me a little bit of hope.

And just to add to the fun I've been having, Danny had minor eye surgery yesterday and will have another one on Wednesday. Plus, we got a certified letter last week about Danny's other son, Jarrod. Apparently his step-father has been abusing him and he was put into foster care. There is a hearing on the 25th so we'll be going to find out if there's any chance he'll be able to come live with us. He's 14 and I'm not sure I'm ready for a teenager but I think it would be the best thing for him to be in a stable home with someone he's actually related to.